Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
