Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
