if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is the high leading the old right now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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