There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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