you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
