So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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