he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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