I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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