cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
