FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
