i may or may not be watching the land before time
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
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