I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
