oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
