i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
