I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
