Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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