i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
