Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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