This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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