Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
