I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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