You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
