I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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