He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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