Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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