Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize