So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
