considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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