OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
