It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
