Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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