I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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