Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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