I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
