if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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