I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
