btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
