How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
