My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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