HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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