You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
