she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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