Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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