Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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