I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
