so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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