I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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