I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
