Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
