I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
